Voices in my head

June 10, 2018   

(Dissolve to a grubby conference room with 80’s era furniture)

Inner me: “Hey, Rick, c’mon in. Get the door, will ya?”

Me: “…Jeez, what’s up? I just have a minute…”

Inner me: “I just have to say it, you are kinda struggling. You fell what, three times last week? That tumble on the backsteps…..  looked nasty”

Me: “Not as bad as it looked. Those steps are a bit of a hazard for everyone”.

Inner me: “Hey, I’ll give you that. But what’s the fuckin deal on not getting up? If not for that Irish guy you might still be jammed behind the propane tank”.

Me: “Seriously, I’m letting go a bit and learning to let folks help me out. He was there, so why the hell not”.

Inner me: “Fine. Fine.   So, I was watching you at Midway Airport. Not pretty. It took you about 20 minutes to get to your gate at the end of concourse B. And what is up with you and those moving walkways? Are they that fucking hard to get on and off?”.

Me: “Gimme some credit. That was a long day. And I mighta been dehydrated. And you‘ve said a million times that Midway sucks. Christ a’ mighty, you think traveling is easy these days?”

Inner me: “Never said it was. But, hey, out of the fifty million people at Midway that night, you were the slowest. And you might wanna tuck that shirt. That look doesn’t up your game.

By the way, quite the stunt you pulled with Aunt Katie’s walker. You don’t think I see that shit? You were trying it out, weren’t you? And you did notice that Aunt Katie almost fell over while you were motoring around with her walker. For fuck’s sake, she’s 90, you know”

Me: “What am I supposed to do, just throw it in the trunk. I only went around the car a coupla times because I thought it was locked.”

Inner me: “Yeah, yeah. Nothing new here, you have all the answers. Fine. Do one thing for me, will ya? Just walk across the room. And no cane or grabbing on to things. And let’s see you pick up that left foot. (Pause…)  You can’t do it, can you? Time to look in the mirror and get real, my friend. Just fuckin’ let go a bit. Know what I mean?”

Me: “Yeah, yeah…. Hey, I gotta go. Shit to do, always shit to do.

It’s not getting easier, you know”.

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